Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
