my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
