Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
