nut hugger
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
