He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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