i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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