i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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