i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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