I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
