its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize