Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
