I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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