We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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