Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize