I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
