If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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