that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
