Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's never too late to be topless.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
