Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
