you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
