Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
