Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
