i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
