We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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