Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
