dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
