i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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