He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
