one two three fourrrrnication!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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