He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
