Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
