I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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