Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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