I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
