Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
