i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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