Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
