I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As shirtless as possible
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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