she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
