the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
