So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
