WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
not ubering you a puppy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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