i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
