sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
