So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
