my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They have beer where we have blood.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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