Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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