Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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