Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
