She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
