her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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