If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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