I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize