I looked at my own cervix.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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