In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
