dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
