I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
