I'm lost and stupid without you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
