somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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