if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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