that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
