I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
