The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
