he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
