My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
