This girl is more easily done than said...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
