I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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